The Boy Child Speaks…

With so many always speaking for the girl child, the boy child demands someone to speak on his behalf. He needs someone to set the standards, to say no to the over used weaves ama ni wigs (what man knows the difference?), the cheap second hand heels, the ugly oversized handbags and also the annoying ‘shopping baskets’ in the name of cars that our missing ribs drive along outering road ooh and the annoying habbits of always texting and with no respect for the Queen’s language replacing S with X,  ‘ni’ with 9 (ati 9t) and whatever other crap they text you to appear cute.

Someone needs to speak for the brother always trying his best to make ends meet and provide for his family. The brother who can’t even afford the imprezza, yes the one always waiting on stage mat ishuke kutoka 40 Bob to 20 ndio arudi mtaani.

I have no problem with where a sister hangs out but to always be spotted at places known for rumour conception ama places za udaku is a No No. Shughlika na maisha yako, ya wengine achia Kwekwe.

There are various other very annoying traits that our sisters need to shed before they are considered ripe. (Don’t ask me for what).

One, a lady needs to be on top of her game when it comes to current affairs. Kenya needs all of us to steer it to the greatness it so much destined to have. If the only thing you’re always following up on is the cost of Vera’s hair then you belong elsewhere. Earth isn’t for you. I expect you to tell me that this cashless matatu system is a scandal in the making with facts to support it. If the only thing you know about matatus ni fare ya kutoka Kayole kwenda tao, please…

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Second, not everyone who wants the cookie should have a taste of it. Respect yourself if you want anyone else to respect you. Being spontaneous and adventurous once a while is no crime. But when it becomes a daily affair? Tafadhali, don’t make speed governors be altered specifically to instill control to your exploits. Remember hata ATM saa ingine huwa inajam. Better still, every team kwa EPL at the beginning of the season has high hopes of winning the title (Arsenal sana sana) but at the end of the season, there only emerges one winner.

You’re in uni? Woow. Very Nice. Congratulations. But that does not make you more of a woman. The lectures you attend everyday are to open up your mind and add some professional insight into your thick skull. Being in uni doesn’t make you better than the other ladies out there. That over emphasized hip swinging and how acute the angle between your arm and bicep muscle is, when you’re carrying that cheap handbag is none of our concern. You’re supposed to appreciate society better after going through the system not the other way round.
The mindset that that degree gives you the right to have an attitude is just crap.

A lady should always know what she wants. You can’t have everything at a go. This is tied up with the aspect of being able to make decisions, decisions that matter, decisions you will defend come what may. Knowing what you want is a guarantee to having a clear head to persue your dreams and ambitions. Wanting this now to demand that later is a recipe for failure, in fact it’s a characteristic of a loser.

Life doesn’t revolve around you. There is football, politics, development, the job, family and so many other things that come before you. This means that you have to accept all these things as parts of his life. You have to accept that him loving you shouldn’t mean that he has to put everything else on hold to attend to your melodramatic self, Or your desire to take pizza 3am in the morning, or your never ending texts filled with xes, or your continuous judgement of his friends, or your obsession with his obsession with his toys…

Lastly, preserve those tears for the funerals, or even the running battles with the police when you run into teargas. Crying everytime an argument or a disagreement arises makes you childish. Learn to face challenges head on and with a clear mind. This gives you a better hand at making informed choices absent emotion that wasn’t necessary in the first place.

When you demand that he takes you out to Diani for weekends, you should have something to bargain with. And lest you misunderstand me, by something I don’t mean what’s between your thighs, he also has something between his. Since you Ladies are always demanding for equality, It’s about time you acted the part.

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