I am from my aunt’s place. She needed her carpet fixed and the husband being at work, I was the only person who could do it. The reason I am telling you this is because I relish spending my Saturday’s indoors. I like listening to the silence in the house once in a while, interrupted by the blaring music from the stereo that I put on to kick out the loneliness once in a while.
I am lonely.
That shouldn’t be construed to mean that I need more out time or a roommate or a girlfriend. It simply means that I am cognizant of the fact and I have made peace with it. I carry my loneliness with me everywhere I go with pride. I reply to texts but I have for quite some time given up on always being the one to reach out.
I am an introvert. A diagnosis I haven’t quite understood yet but I think it means that I like being alone more than I like being around human beings. I am the kind of person that will visit a friend’s place and after 23 minutes wake up to leave for my house so as to just sit in the darkness.
That’s what I just did. I left my aunts place for no apparent reason and walked to my very trifling apartment. I am thinking of how things are not working very well with my company, what I really should be doing that I am not and this really takes me to the edge.
I suddenly feel lost.
Upon reaching the house, I unlock it, get in, kick my shoes off and close the door behind me. Its quarter to six so the sun hasn’t set yet but I can see the moon from my window. A mixtape by DJ Joe Mfalme is playing on my laptop, with pictures projected to the TV screen and the sound on the Subwoofer speakers.
It’s pretty loud and I like it. It distracts me from my thoughts.
I feel the urge to sit outside and watch the sun set while feeling the evening breeze that characterizes this part of town. I get up from my bed, put on some loafers and decide to sit on the tractor tyre at the front of the apartment. Before deciding on the tyre, I fight between sitting on the verandah or taking a stool out.
A girl has moved in to the house next to mine and I hope that in the process I will get a glimpse of her and say hi for the first time in two weeks. We have met severally but we always pass each other in silence. She isn’t my type. That came out wrong but it is what it is. She isn’t. so I decide if she does come out I will introduce myself and officially welcome her to the establishment.
I am particular and I guess that is one of the reasons I am always alone but today I want to try and be altered. That doesn’t work out very well because after five minutes, I am lying on my bed with the door locked, the music stopped and the room dark. The only light is from the laptop screen, ominous and defiant. The only other light is the LED from the TV.
The reason I lock the door is because I do not want anyone to come looking for me. I want to be alone and contemplate on solutions to the enormous teething troubles afflicting me. That’s the same reason the lights are off.
As I lie in bed, I try to read Sarah Dunant but my mind isn’t on the text. Thinking the distraction is caused by the element that I am just starting the book and I haven’t had a grip on the story, I open One Summer by David Baldacci but the comportment is still the same.
I decide on taking a nap to recollect my thoughts. I end up picking the laptop. Writing is my way of speaking my mind. Writing is my way of speaking out my loneliness to an anonymous reader somewhere and hoping that they will understand my goofiness and lack of a social life.
Sometime back I had decided that I would start going out more and I haven’t actualized that as yet. I should. I have not posted in a while and I thought that I should let you take a sneak peek at what I have been going through.
Let me try and catch up with Cobblepot.